simple is nice. simple is nice. simple is nice. simple is nice ((x

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

REFLECTIONS

Sometimes it's good to just stop all that u're busy with and slow your pace down to think about what you really want in life... Well, for me, it seems that I've worked non-stop between studies and work that I haven really got time to rest and think about my life...

I've been praying, or maybe just not praying hard enuff... Yes, i know prayer works in many ways, not instantly, sometimes it may even take years.. But I guess it's normal for humans to feel dejected and disappointed when prayers aren't answered.

Just received letter from NUS yesterday, I got rejected yet again. Sigh, so much for the uni saying that they wanna except more poly students... Seriously cant take their word for word.

Been questioning God, When? when? Well, You gave Your word not to worry, so i didn't... that's y i tried applying for NUS this yr again even if I'm already studying a degree... so is it another 2 years? Seriously, i dunno how long i can wait. Or maybe I'll just go open a cake shop soon...

Sad's not really the word to describe what I'm feeling... Dissapointed i guess , but this feeling, so numbed till no words can describe it. Well, let's just say life just has to go on, probably i shd stop expecting so much from myself... shd stop expecting so much from people too... In the end, the one worrying and getting upset is myself. It's hard to move on if you're bogged down by others sometimes... but it's also not right to leave them alone either...

Another thing is my dad, let's just say haven seen him for a few days again... Seems to be coming home late everyday from work.. Tonite I'm home alone again.. Well, I dunno y he's such a workaholic... I don't expect much from him either.. esp not that I'm working too, I'm supporting myself... I just want him to slow his pace down and rest... look after his own health... But guess that's just the character of both of us, can't seem to express out what we really feel, just keep it inside... till it explodes... It isn't healthy... but I'm learning.. .I still am...but u know how it takes 2 hands to clap rite...

I shall slow down my pace...
I shall stop to think....
I shall pray more...
I shall read His word more...
I shall worry less...
I shall rest more....
I shall sleep more...

All these things I shall Try my best to do...

- s i m p l e -

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Dear sis, well, I'm sorry i can't tell u face to face, just dunno how to open my mouth to say it. Cuz I know it's gonna upset u too. but at least i choose to type it out here right... I know... I've been praying really... u know how the mind is strong, but the heart is weak. I juz dunno y dreams keep coming back, maybe it's me who find it hard to let go. I know deep down i tell myself, it's over, it really is. But how? It just stays...

I need to get back with the Lord... It's not just this that hinders me I guess.. Studies n work, been asking where this is going to take me too... Guess I've been too focused on my future and have neglected other else.. I'm sorry to you, and even more sorry to the Father.

My father just asked me if he could go to Japan and station there for a year. Oh man, one year, no joke, i know gd opportunity for him and with all the allowance and stuff... it's tempting... but i dunno... i dunno what to answer him... sigh... although juz casually asking, but it's selfish of me if i didn't want him to go. is it?

- I dunno if u'll ever read this, I know it's been very long, but often I still think back about the past, and when I do, the feeling lingers there... Y can't i get it out and just move on... I know I don't mean much more than a friend to you, but still this feeling has never left me. I can't face u straight in the face... for fear of giving in to my feelings once again... neither can I put u aside...-

- s i m p l e -

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

NIGHT CYCLING

Night cycling was good... As all of us get older, our physical stamina deteriorates too i guess... Now I believe my fellow mates are hurting in the butts n thighs.. lolx... Anw, good workout from east coast to changi to tamp den back to east coast.. Well, for those of u who haven tried the park connectors, well let's just say it's a neva-ending road ahead.. lolx... But it's pretty safe lar... just that longer distance? cycling on the roads seems to be more challenging and fun. =P

I need to spend more time with God, seriously. I seem to be drifting a little from Him once again. Why do I get times like these? Is it cuz it's hard to juggle with studies n work too... I know my priority should be Him, yes, I'm trying hard, I really am... It's been a while since I've realli smiled and laughed from the heart. Where's that Emily? I miss her too..

- i really got scared when you fell, seeing u in pain, didn't know what to do.. I seem to be doing the wrong thing, I can't leave u alone... Can't put it aside in my mind. Don't u sense it? Why must u do little things that tickle my heart? Sigh... I know I'm doing the wrong thing. Tell me how u feel seriously... -

- s i m p l e -